Full Circle Continued

Nothing hits home as much as when you have a near death experience or the opportunity of meeting your maker and knowing it.



Being dazed and confused is not only a temporary mind set but can be more permanent as it carried over after the accident.


When you wake up, literally I began to realize just how blessed I really was. There is no doubt that this could have been a hell of a lot worse. And although I was in a lot of pain and rightfully shook


I was fortunate to not have any visible broken bones but had a herniated disk in my lower back. There was also the issue of 2nd and 3rd degree burns on my back from the exhaust that kept reminding me from laying too comfortably on my back.


Once I had called my buddy Mike Bertolini. He had gone down and picked up the motorcycle with his enclosed trailer. He brought it home to me and unloaded it without charging me anything.


I was still hurting so bad I couldn’t even get up to go see it or much less to help him with being able to unload it.


For the next several weeks I was in limbo uncertain as to what to do. My mind flashed back to remembering Skip and how badly he had looked the day I went to see what would later become my first Harley. It seemed like so long ago they were different times. I was mirroring the fact that this was my accident


Over the course of the next several weeks, I was looking forward to being able to lie down to just relax and not move, but that wouldn’t be happening.


The Rail Dock Rats from work kept calling. They wanted me to come back immediately before there were any personnel changes could happen on the dock. They offered me the opportunity to just do the checking of visual paperwork of the inventory of the rail cars without having to get up and down or drive my fork-truck.


I was dumbfounded because I didn’t know if I would have been willing to have done the same for someone else. Looking back on it now I went back to work way too early. I was in no shape to be even have been walking around much less working. They kept me active but it was also the end of an era




I had to go through a lot of soul searching then. I had too many unanswered questions and doubts that took a lot of time and consideration to mull over and just sort through.


Why had this happened to me? What was I going to do next? What does all of this mean? What should I be doing now? Where do I go from here? Why am I alive? Why didn’t I die? What’s my purpose? What have I not done? What do I need to do? How do I move on? When will I get over this? But the one that really stuck seemed to be Why am I alive?


Besides my injury’s mentally I had a chip on my shoulder.


The more I thought about it the more research I done in my own mind.


When I finally felt up to it I called my mechanic buddy Butch. I was still unsure of myself and had to have an open discussion with him. At first there was a lot of uncertainly. But Butch said something rather profound to me and in doing that sparked other thoughts. In so many words he said something to the effect that it was you have to make the decision yourself. Do you quit? Take the insurance check and walk away? No one would think any less of you if you did. This is where you get off the bus, or checkout. Many would walk away and wouldn’t put themselves back in the situation of ever riding again. The choice is yours.


My mind flashed back to Rusty. Having had a Harley at one time and having given it up. Always thinking and reminiscing about those days and in some ways a “has been”. Which in my definition meant would not ride again or it would never be the same again. Rusty's was someone who had gone on to and put away those freedoms and those feelings and had allowed them to become fond memories.


The risks maybe to great to continue. Something this devastating takes time to process. I can’t make that decision for you. No one would think any less. You have to make that choice on your own.










I was mirroring Skip and didn’t realize it.






It just dawned on me I had come full circle.